The Witch is awesome…unless you wanted horror

Before my almost non-existent horror video blogs are boycotted, let me start out by saying, “I like The Witch”. I think it was well done. I think the writing and the acting and everything in between was well done. It works brilliantly as a period piece exposing the all too familiar push of religion in the US. It works brilliantly as a tale about the way society manipulates women and punishes anyone who dares think her body is her own.  In that aspect, it is rather well done as horror. The horror of “Sweet Jesus, this is still the time we live in.”

However.

Scary in the sense of “I can’t sleep at night/What was that? Fuck you, cat! Gave me a heart attack!”? No. It just isn’t horror in that sense. It isn’t. Unless you were traumatized by a cult (or any religion) and/or had a really bad experience at a petting farm, well, it won’t be scary to you. The BEST line I have seen describing this movie comes from TheStranger.com  The review by Rich Smith was pretty spot on, but the Comment by Michael Crowl is priceless.

“I’m glad she escaped her horrifying family. She’s happy now.” That’s what hit me like a bucket of blood-milk as I walked home from the theater.
You’re both wrong. The Witch is basically Sixteen Candles with a better ending and more goats.” – Michael Crowl

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